Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Unfocused today. I put on some music and let the words penetrate me. I come across this one, a throwback from years ago. It goes, “I need you more. More than yesterday. I need you more. More than words can say. I need you more than ever before. I need you more. I need you more.”
So I think, what does more of Jesus look like?
Everyday is different. For me, some days, more is emotional and raw. It means crying out to God for understanding with snot out my face and mascara running down my cheeks. Some days it’s peace and calm, it’s the “Be Still” moments in God’s presence. Some days it’s a longing. An ache inside my heart just to touch a little more of this unending and enveloping love. And it all starts with a simple prayer, “God, won’t you invade my day? Won’t you just show me a little more of yourself?”
As I assess what I want out of life, I find myself eliminating things that I used to consume without question. I’ve put down the remote control and taken some time to read. I’ve tucked away my Gap Card and said, “No more,” to frivolous spending on t-shirts I’ll wear once. I’ve removed excess makeup and avoided expensive hair products. I gave up my weekly bottle of wine. I stopped looking at men as they passed me by in the skyway, wondering who I could get attention from next. I stopped judging people and just giving to the homeless.
I guess you could say this is an overhaul. But the reality is this, for the first time in my life, I’d be willing to give anything, and I mean EVERYTHING, for just a little bit more of Jesus in my life.
I lived so long without an understanding of what he did for me. I did what I thought I wanted to do. But everything left me hollow. Even the good things were never satisfying. And Sundays would roll around and it would be another learning service, instead of affirmation of a life I was living. What he gave me that I don’t deserve and never will, but he gives it anyway.
I think of all the excuses why I didn’t want more of Jesus before. I came up with the typical ones. Here are a few. “It’s not fun to pray.” I’ve never ended a prayer session saying, “That was a waste of time.” There are plenty of other things that I’ve done ending with that phrase but never spending my undivided focus on my king. Another one, “Nobody else is doing it.” Yes you’re right nobodies aren’t doing it. Anyone influential in my life spends time in the Word everyday and prays without ceasing. Or this one, it’s my favorite, “I don’t feel like it.” Think about exercising. I guarantee if you had a slamming body, you wouldn’t ever say I don’t feel like exercising. You’d just put it into practice and everyone would notice and the attention would make you feel like it. Am I right?
So, you have to ask yourself, what excuses are keeping you from more, or any of Jesus?
Because if your worried that your going to miss out on something, you will be. Something from God. If you’re worried about what friends you will lose, think about this:
Is losing Jesus worth it?
Take some quiet time to pray today. Be ready for more.