Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Not Giving Up

I haven't washed my hair in six days. Books with reading due next week pile up on my bedside table. I have at least a dozen calls to make and I can't get out of bed. Though the sun shines on my face, I feel no glow.

This is a dark, dark season.

I pray each day for guidance, for joy, for love. But mostly I pray for mercy.

Some people say that the most difficult things in life make you stronger. But I never wanted to be stronger. I just wanted what I wanted. And now, months of agony have passed with many hopeful allusions to leaving this place crushed over and over again.

When will my God be my solace and my peace?
When will this season be over and my soul be released?
I cry out to a God who is alongside of me,
But when, I ask, will I ever be free?
Lord, save my from my misery.
I believe you came to set the captives free.
Let me be liberated from my pain and suffering.
And bring new life with joy so freeing.

What else can I do but wait upon the Lord? What else can I do but go through the motions until life anew breaks in?

I will not give up, as much as I want to. I will not give up.

And You will not give up on me.