Awaiting Ch-ch-changes

Kicking around my Google Calendar, I've found that I have three time slots in life.

Tuesday nights, which I dedicate either to relationship building with fellow women of Substance or some God and Joy time. (I used to wait for my cell phone to chime, or dial every number in it when I felt lonely. Now, I just call on the right One. I haven't felt lonely in months. In fact, I wish I could be alone more often.)

Friday nights are my workout or spend time with friends nights. I either go swimming, rock climbing, or meet up with a friend for coffee, tea or burgers. Last week I climbed at Vertical Endeavors with Caroline and we went to the Blue Door Pub thereafter.

Last but not least, Saturday mornings. I typically spend these doing all the things I didn't during the week. Send out mail, laundry, meet with a friend, etc.

On the evenings already occupied by scheduled events, I do the following things:
-Lead a women's Bible study
-Work at Lifetime
-Go Deeper
-Discipleship

Currently I work 60 hours between two jobs. One at Lifetime Fitness in Maple Grove and the other an internship with a magazine. Both are huge blessings.

Books in my purse include: Confessions by Augustine and The Cost of Discipleship. Oh and always, my Bible.

Podcasts I'm listening to: LifeChurch.tv, Coffee with Christine Cole, Show Time Spanish. That's right, picking up the ol' Español.

Here's the real news. I am about to undergo some changes in the housing and job department.

I spent a great deal praying about the following changes. I am at peace with whatever doors open.

Housing: This summer I'll move to Forest Lake to live with great and beloved family friends the Corcorans. I feel a great peace about moving 30 miles from the city because I know God is going to do some great things in me by living with a great family. I love the Corcorans, especially the boys. Ryan, Nate and Dylan are my little bro's. I am excited to spend more time with them, if even for just a few months. So move out date from my sister's apartment in the lovely, and ever-so-charming Golden Valley is May 29.

Job: Because the hike from Maple Grove to Forest Lake could be both money and gas consuming, I'll likely transfer Lifetimes. I have considered the following: Fridley, Roseville and Minneapolis. Pray for me.

The best bet is the gym in Minneapolis. I could potentially get a raise and better hours. The internship will be over, which is sad but good. I'm going to pick up stories again as a freelancer with the Star Tribune and maybe do some freelance modeling. We'll see how the latter goes.


The one thing I've learned to do in life is change. We will forever change, this I know is true. So asking the Lord to take us through it all is exactly what we are to do.

So, if you think of it, pray for me to keep some peace as I transition into some new territory. Having 3 little brothers and new job venue can be a difficult change but will be refreshing.

Wanna Wrestle?

I spent a few years during college as a nanny of three little boys. Precocious and salty, I knew they would be a great fit. Sometimes referred to as the Hole in the Wall Boys or a Motley Crew, I found that their long blond hair and glassy blue eyes were enough for the mischief we were to get into.

Now the eldest boy, Earl, was very serious and aloof. We called him Ferdinand the Bull because sometimes he would just stop to look at flowers, or wait to watch a bug. His father once asked him what he was up to when he was at the beach watching the waves with his arms outstretched. He said, “I’m using the force, dad.”

Though peaceful, this little boy had energy to burn. Many days I would run him from school to tennis, then back home. Upon entering the residence, Earl would ask one very important question: “Wanna wrestle?”

Now, asking this at my office to my co-worker could get me fired, but at this job, the question is extremely valid. To Earl, this was the crux of my existence. Mom didn’t wrestle; she was too tired. Dad didn’t wrestle; he had things to do. Joy, she wrestled. She had time. She never tired. She was good at it.

Almost every time we would wrestle and I would tickle his feet or push him off the couch to pin on the floor. He would try to act like he was done. But giggling, he'd pounce back on me for more fun and games.

Some days, I didn’t want to wrestle. I wasn’t feeling like having my space invaded or my peace disturbed. These days, Earl would be so disappointed. I hated seeing him like that, so I engaged with great enthusiasm.

Now, I realize that just as I was always asked to wrestle with Earl, I’m in another wrestle, only this time with my will.

I’ve been reading copious amounts of literature on faith, God, spiritual disciplines and lifestyle, combing each passage with great care to learn something valuable. Lately, Augustine’s Confessions have hit me right in this spot.

He writes of his conversion to Christ after years of professing a philosophy that left him full of knowledge, yet unfulfilled. And just before his spirit fully accepts God, he goes through this great struggle within. He talks of how his will to change whispers in his ears that what he's going miss out on will be much greater than what he will receive in return from God. (We know this is a lie because sex, money and alcohol cannot fill as God can.) He struggles and almost fully submits to God saying, “Behold, let it be done now, let it be done now.”

I find that I have said this many times in the past months.

It reminds me of the struggle Paul talks about in Romans 7:21-24, “So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”

We have these things within us: these desires, these thoughts and temptations. They will always be there. BUT they are not sins. Wanting things is human. The struggle then is giving them over to God. He wants us to bring them to him and say, “I am a wretched man, but you can deliver me. I have wants and desires, but please make them pure and right.”

This wrestle will never be over. It is with me as I wake. It goes with me through the day. As I bring these wants and desires to the Lord, he makes them right in accordance to his will “his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)

For a while I was ashamed that I struggled saying, “God I’m ashamed for wanting what I want, knowing it is pure, but not knowing what to do. I’ve submitted them to you fully, so I trust in that.” He says to me, “You are being faithful in obedience. Just wait. Wait for me and I will bring these desires to you.”

I do not vex over these things I want anymore. He directs; I obey. Things always work out how they should be when we obey.

"God, help me to obey more so that I can see your will and walk it out. I want to serve you. Help my wants and desires to serve you as well. I love you, for you are who you are and you love me. Amen."

Searching Easter

On Easter morning, my niece was old enough to get into the Easter hype and wander about our small apartment in search of goodies hidden in a basket. My sister prepped her while my brother-in-law found the perfect spot.

"McKenna, count to ten and close your eyes. Then, you can look for your basket."

Stefan took two long strides across our living room and placed the basket on the bottom shelf of the bookcase, in good view of where a two-and-a-half-year-old can easily see.

"...seben, eight, nine, ten. Yay, candy. Oh boy." McKenna opened her eyes, left her seat and went in search of the hidden treasure. Now McKenna, being young and quite small for her size, didn't really understand the fun in the search. So immediately she began to worry. As tears welled up in her eyes, her arms went emphatically up then thrown down to her side and she began to say, "Ohhhh noooo. I can't find it." As she whimpered some more she became more worried. I can't imagine what she was thinking. I suppose she thought that she wouldn't find it, or that it really was lost.

Eventually, my sister calmed her biggest two-year-old fears. "McKenna, I'll help you." Melody pointed to each open space on the book shelf. "Is it here?" "No."

"Is it here?" "No."

"Is it here?"..."Yess!!" McKenna giggled with glee. She was so jubilant, I thought for sure she was going to fall over from the excitement.


She found her basket and was able to consume quite a few peanut butter filled eggs, which she shared with me.

But as I thought about it more, I realize that this parallels with another Easter story. In John 20, after Jesus has been dead for a few days, Mary searches for Jesus in the tomb and finds that he is missing. She begins to worry so much so about where he is that she can't even recognize his voice when he speaks to her outside the tomb.

"'Woman,' he said, 'why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?' Thinking he was the gardener, she said, 'Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.'" John 20:15.

But after a few more questions, she recognizes his voice and is startled to see him alive. Afterward, she runs to find the disciples and cries out, "I have seen the Lord."

We sometimes look for God in the places we are familiar with thinking, "I thought that I put him right here. Where is he? Where could he have gone?" But we don't realize that we left him on the bookshelf. When he calls to us, we cannot recognize his voice because we can't remember where we hid the treasure, that is his Word, in our hearts. We search and search, and worry and worry. But after he calls us for a while longer, pursuing us and calming our fears, we hear him and are amazed to see him in our situation, working in our lives. We rejoice in him.

He is here, working in your situation. He is not far or away. He is with you no matter the situation. It says in Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

I encourage you to access this gift he has for you. If you feel close to him or far away, just ask him to come in a fill you with his peace and presence. Just pray, "Dear Jesus, I know you are here with me. I have searched for you in the wrong places, but I want you to show up and be in my life. I'm taking you off the shelf and inviting you in. Please be with me. Let me feel your presence."

Continue in the Word and search for God in the right place. I can guarantee you will start seeing God in everyday.

TIREd

Thudddd. Thud. Thudd. Thud.

"Something is wrong with my car," I say as my front end sinks toward the pavement. I re-park my car to assess the situation. Just as I suspect. My left front tire is completely flat. I look at my cell phone. It's 7:35. I typically catch my bus at the transit station at 7:39. That's not going to happen.

Before I get into a tizzy as I would have in the past, I am reminded of this. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3.

I say a prayer, "God, for the first time, I'm going to trust you with this situation. You're going to work everything out, so I will not worry. No matter the cost, whether time or money, I will look to you for provision and grace."

I walk back inside. The warm air reminds me of summer and I begin to smile. I get inside and approach the side of my sister's bed.

"Melody, can you bring me to work?" I whisper.

"What's wrong? What happened? Did you miss your bus?" She answers with a start. She has always been concerned about the needs of others. This is why I admire her so much.

I explain calmly, "Well, my tire is flat. I'm not exactly sure what to do, but I do need to get to work. I'll call Triple A from my office."

Melody pulls on a jacket and grabs her keys. We survey the damage as we walk by. Melody comes up with a solution, "Stefan and I will take care of putting your spare on. Can you bring it to the shop today?"

I open the Google Calendar in my brain. I work my second job in the afternoon, but I think it will work out if I go on my break. I say, "I'll manage. It's just a blessing to have your help. Sorry about all this."

At about 10:30am Melody gives me an update. "Your tire looks like it's been slashed, but its probably just from ware."

I sigh. Thank God I wasn't on the highway when this happened. I could've died.

"Thanks Mel. You have no idea how blessed I am that you are doing this for me."

At the Louisiana Transit Center I'm re-united with my car. I look at it with great joy. "You look great with that spare on.” I’ve found that the more dents, rust and dirt I see on the outside of my car, the more I am unaware of my place in life because it doesn’t matter. I take care of this car, but I could care less if I drive a Geo Metro or a Jaguar. If my only mode of transportation was walking, I’d do it gladly. I am completely and undeservedly over blessed.

I get to Lifetime and my co-worker Steve helps me set up an appointment with Tires Plus. Now, when I first met Steve, I thought he was a bro. He was clean cut, wore vibrant shirts with excellent silk ties and seemed to be more fit than most. I completely misjudged him. As I get to know Steve, I realize how kind and sincere he is. His father was dying of kidney disease, so he donated one of his kidneys for his father to survive. He sometimes has pain from the operation, but he doesn’t complain. He’s in a relationship with a girl whose previous boyfriend died of kidney failure. He works hard, talks about having a family someday, being a great dad, giving time to good causes. Steve is an everyday superhero. He even took the time to make me an appointment with Tires Plus. God bless him.

I get to Tires Plus and I wait a long time before I see anyone with a Tires Plus nametag. I remain at peace. Other people have things going on that are more important than my tire. And I have another 20 minutes on this break. I look at the tires on the wall. The smell makes me giggle. My garage never smelled like this.

A young guy named Taylor pops through the door. “How can I help you?”

I explain the situation. He goes to my car, removes the tire and sends me on my way.

The following day, Taylor calls and says the tire was repaired. He can put it on during my break. It’s going to cost me like $20. “Yessssss,” I think.

I leave my cubicle to go to the gym. I get another call. “Joy, this is Taylor from Tires Plus. Say, about that tire we fixed. It actually had a huge gash in it that we didn’t catch earlier. I’m afraid we’re going to have to put a new one on.” He says it all quickly as if he was ripping off a band-aid waiting for the shouts. It’s going to cost more. This typically doesn’t make people very happy.

I answer, “Well, thanks for catching that. It could’ve been a bad situation if I drove off with the gash in the tire. I really appreciate you finding that.”

I get to the shop later that evening. The overcast sky keeps the April first air at a balmy 80 degrees. I’m completely content. I leave my keys with Taylor and walk across the street to Starbucks for an iced tea on the patio.

I walk back 20 minutes later to a fixed auto. Taylor prints off the work slip. He winces at the price. “It’s going to be…92 bucks.”

“It costs what it costs,” I say. “Thanks again for all your hard work.”

I get back to work within my break time.

Now, I think about how the whole situation went down. I got paid the day my tire blew out and I still was able to tithe and put 20 percent in my savings. The whole time I could’ve been worrying, but I was able to be kind to the people helping me. It feels like the Lord’s righteousness is becoming natural without any forethought. Instead of worrying about not sinning, I’m more concerned with working out my righteousness. It’s such a blessing to me. I even paid for the person behind me at McDonalds when I was in the drive through. (Don’t worry guys. I didn’t get a burger. I got a milkshake and I still weigh 155 lbs.) They waved. I was blessed.

I realize how great my life is. My God is great. I have awesome family, two great jobs and excellent friends. I am constantly reminded of what direction I am moving in, yet I am content with today, here and now.

For you, keep in the Word. Talk to God each moment of the day, even when it’s hard. Give to others and love them. His righteousness will take you by surprise. I guarantee you will be blessed.

Inside the Margin

I pulled on my pants yesterday morning. "Hmm...these are awfully loose," I thought.

I decided to add my belt. Accessorize it, yeah that will help. Since the beginning of March, my belt has been one hole tighter. But yesterday morning, it is went one more. My belt is in its tightest hole!

Now, you're asking questions. "Are you eating? Are you working out? Are you OK?"

My answer: "Margin."

Margin is the space you put in your life for what is necessary for you to live responsibly. It's the boundary that I never had and never wanted because I thought it would be boring. After hearing innumerable sermons about margin, I knew what the ministers were all getting at: discipline.

I decided in January to start living under these guidelines they were talking about, just try them out. I would tithe consistently, give my day the God, eat healthier, work out, spend less money on myself and more on others and save. If it didn't affect my life, I would go back to my old way of doing things, which caused me to stress and worry nearly everyday. If they were right, I’d find a life I always wanted.

So after two months, what do I have to show for it?

Before January:
Bible reading: Rarely, maybe once a week. I couldn't tell you that there were any promises in my life. I was worried, sad, tired and unsatisfied.
Tithing: When I remembered, and not always 10 percent.
Exercise: Never
I weighed 183 lbs. when I began working at Lifetime Fitness January 6, 2010.
Eating healthy: If you count lettuce and tomato on a California Burger: yes. But in reality: no.
Saving money: None
I had $75 in savings as of February 1, 2010 and just as much in my checking.
Entertainment: Twice a week, expensive, typically unsatisfying.

As of March 28:
Bible reading: Everyday, twice a day if possible. If I can have more time, I take it. I have peace and calm. And when things are stressful and causing me anxiety, I have a place to turn. Now I put my faith and hope in the Lord and not in the situations.
Tithing: Every check I get paid, the tithe is in the bucket at church. Do I miss the money? NO! I am way to blessed.
Exercise: Two to three times a week.
I weigh 155 lbs. Clothes do not fit, which is beautiful. Though, I'm not spending money on new ones...hmm...a new problem. Praying for divine alterations. I’m also starting to train in June for a 10K in September, something I never thought in a million years I would even want to do. I’ll talk about this more in future posts.
Eating healthy: I hit two areas of margin: finances and health. I spend $30 a week on fresh foods that I eat throughout the week. I have really planned meals of food I actually like and eat. I get the things I like, I leave the grazing alone, and the results are in. I have lost more than 15 pounds and have saved DOLLAZ by not buying lunch each day at work. I still eat out once in a while, but I don’t feel the need to eat out all the time as I did in the past. It’s a treat, not an expectation and I don’t feel ripped off.
Saving money: I have $440 in savings. Tomorrow I’ll get paid and add more. In two months I have more than tripled my savings. Who would’ve known?
Entertainment: It includes things I already enjoy. Spending time with girlfriends, staying in, making food, socializing with friends at the gym. I mean, if anything really is entertaining, it has to be from the inside out. You wouldn’t be satisfied even at the best party if you weren’t with the people you care about.

So my advice to you is this: You want to lose weight? Make a plan now and DO IT. You want to tithe? Take out your check book now and WRITE THE CHECK. You want to have peace and clarity about the future? Read the Word. Don’t make excuses. What have you got to lose? I guarantee that the moment you put margin or discipline into your life, you will see changes.

It’s just as Paul instructs in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

Run the race. Train correctly. Be rewarded.

Shower Songs

"Pick the drain of any hair," Leah said to me the first day of shower cleaning training at Lifetime Fitness. "Then, spray with water and wash away more hair. After that, spray with cleaner and scrub with a brush. Rinse. That's it."

She looked at me with a look that asked, "You got it? It's not rocket science."

I had it. Easy peasy.

At first, I saw the showers as a chore, which is my whole job I suppose as a cleaning lady. Scrubbing and spraying, spraying and scrubbing some more. But after a few weeks, I found it quite pleasing to work in the quiet and warm stalls. It was a place to think, a place to be alone, well almost alone. Typically one or two patrons of the gym would shower while I cleaned the open stalls.

In January, I found myself praying quietly each time I cleaned the showers. "God, please be with me. I know you're here." I'd bring my cares and concerns to him each time and he made it obvious that he was hearing me. Sometimes I'd pray with such intensity that I tear up and take a time out in the stalls so that patrons don't have to see the weepy-eyed shower cleaning lady. This hasn't really changed.

However, a few weeks ago, I decided I'd sing songs to God while I cleaned. I figured if someone was uncomfortable with me singing in the showers, the only place my voice is appropriate, then they would say something.

One particular night, I was singing bits of worship songs that I could remember. Typically transitioning quickly from one song to the next because I can only remember a verse or two of most songs sung at church. I began to feel this deep sense of loneliness, which was something I didn't really feel anymore on a daily basis whether I had been solitary for moments or hours. So I prayed, "God, you've been with me all day. Maybe it's me. Maybe my gaze is off of you. I don't want that. So please reveal to me that you are here with me."

(I have begun to realize that God is not far from us. We put walls between ourselves and him on our own. It's up to us to say, "I don't want to be far from you. I want to be close," and he comes.)

I felt in my heart God was saying, "Sing 'It is Well.'"

One of the only hymns that I can remember at least a few verses of is "It is Well."

If you're unfamiliar, it goes like this.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul."

So I sang the first verse and the verse about Jesus taking our sin, thinking all the while, "Is anyone else praising you, O God? I feel so alone on this road with you." I continued singing, but my voice began to falter. I was getting too choked up. I stopped after finishing the first verse once more. I listened in the silence. But a moment later a woman in the first stall picked up right where I left off singing, "It is well, with my soul. It is well, with my soul."

I began to cry.

God knew I needed that. He knew I needed someone else to confirm that I'm not alone in praising him while I'm at a health club.

Sometimes it's going to feel like you're alone as you press in closer to God; its how many of the saints and Jesus felt. I've been feeling this way lately, like I can't relate, so I stay quiet and listen to those around me, which is good and better. But I feel strange because I'm not concerned about little things I used to care about.

While I was reading yesterday, I felt great encouragement from a passage in one of the books. As AW Tozer wrote in an article in the Alliance Witness, compiled in the book Man: the Dwelling Place of God,

"...the lonely man of whom we speak is not a haughty man, nor is he a holier-than-thou, austere saint so bitterly satirized in popular literature. He is likely to feel that he is the least of all men and is sure to blame himself for his very loneliness. He wants to share his feelings with others and to open his heart to some like-minded soul who will understand him, but the spiritual climate around him does not encourage it, so he remains silent and tells his grief to God alone...[though he] is not the withdrawn man who hardens himself against human suffering and spends his days contemplating the heavens. Just the opposite is true. His loneliness makes him sympathetic to the approach of the brokenhearted and the fallen and the sin-bruised. Because he is detached from the world, he is all the more able to help it."

This is right where I'm at, disconnecting myself from this world and finding solace in it, while joyfully hoisting other's burdens over my shoulder to take it to the foot of the cross where they can feel peace.

So if you feel this way, or want to feel a joyful estrangement, I encourage you to seek the Lord. Just do it. The more you seek, the more you find. The more alone and different you become, the closer you will be to the creator, and that's the best place to be to be used.

Actively Patient: a Rewarding Struggle

Things are popping up for me. Instead of being a journalist in the conventional sense, God is calling me to something different. I am still very much a writer. But, he's telling me what he's been saying all along. I pushed it away saying, "God can't use me." The truth is, he's already using me for his good purposes. Here's the deal, I never thought I would work with women. But the more I wait for God's timing, the more he is teaching me to reach out to them.

As I waited for the Lord, he brought me to a place of complete submission. In that state, he's said, "Joy, go to seminary." You may think I'm crazy. Some days I think I am. I began filling out my application to Bethel Seminary a few weeks ago. I thought of all the things I needed to do; people I needed to network with; who needed to get reference forms to; What I need to do currently to be prepared for ministry, etc. All the details began to cloud my mind. Instead of fretting and whining, wondering what was next and not allowing God to make me feel content right here, I gave it over, which was very difficult. It took quite a few nights of weeping in my car, wrestling with God until I finally gave up. "God, I am nothing and can do nothing without you. Please take these things I feel I want to hold on to. Just use me." And I waited. No voices screamed in my head on this issue, but a calm presence saying, "Right here, just like this. This is what I ask of you. You get it."

Here's where it gets interesting. A week after I began filling out my application to Bethel Seminary, my pastor announced that our church was getting a deal with the school. Anyone who has been an attender for the past year can qualify for a 30 percent discount on tuition. 30 PERCENT! Now, if that isn't one sign of confirmation, I don't know what is. Then I was unsure about the letters of recommendation. Within the past week I was able to meet with the pastor's wife, not an easy meeting to get, she's a busy gal. She was excited to fill it out for me. I was also able to pass my church Elder form off to the only Elder I know pretty well. Now, all I have to do is get my last professional reference to my editor at the Star Tribune. Things fall into place when God allows them to.

And he's opening doors for other things, including modeling, something I'll write more on later if it pans out. For now, actively waiting.

So now it's a waiting game for seminary. I have been asked to be actively patient. I am called to wait on God while being content, but also knowing something exciting is coming up gets me revved up the next thing. Its a huge paradox. How do I let things just fall into place while serving and seeking and wait without looking too far ahead?

I'm a firm believer that today is all of the future that I am guaranteed. I could go to sleep tonight forever. I could be hit by a bus downtown. Sheesh, I could die right here at my computer. But tomorrow is something I have to plan for in the world. I can't sit back on my laurels when things begin falling into place. I have to seize the opportunities as God brings them. So that active patience is something I'm developing.

And as I process this, sometimes I get nervous. I feel myself beginning to worry. Prime example, at 10:15 am, I feel some anxiety inside. I know it's not coffee, I gave that away to a homeless guy this morning. So I took my break. Still feeling restless, I opened up my Bible and there it was, just staring at me.

2 Peter 3:8-9, "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

I'm not waiting on Him, well I am. But he's waiting patiently for me to come to Him, as it says in vs. 9, and admit that I can't do this and that He is in control.

So, now, as far as you know, I am contented though so much is in the works. I will continue to actively wait, knowing that this isn't a time to sit back, but to prepare. And if things don't work out the way I think they should, then that's exactly what's supposed to happen. I'll know things will work out how God wants them to be. And knowing that things aren't up to me takes a lot of pressure off me. Thanks God.